Killer Carseats and other things ...

Having a newborn in Botswana is not quite the same as having one in the US. Many of these differences stem from the tradition that a new mom goes to stay with her mother for the first few months of the newborn's life: usually four or six months for the firstborn and two or three months for subsequent children. The mother does all the cooking, cleaning, and visitor regulating while the new mom's only tasks are to eat, sleep, and nurse. During this time the new mom learns how to care for her newborn from her mother; many mothers will even sleep next to their daughters to assist throughout the night. Even though culture is rapidly changing and modernizing, the confinement period for new moms and babies is still expected. When Batswana come to visit Masimo they invariably ask, "What! Are you here alone?" Even though they know my family is far away, they expect that someone should be here with me or at the very least I'd have hired a full time maid.

When I take Prescott out of the house – to the grocery store, bank, or just to hang clothes on the line – people always want to see Masimo. The first thing they ask is, 'How old is he?'. Even now at five weeks the response is always the same: 'Tsk, tsk. Shame. He is too small. You should take him home. In Batswana culture he wouldn't leave the house for five more months. He will get sick and not grow properly.' Thankfully Prescott is growing at a staggering rate – over 3 pounds the first month – so its probably a very good thing I take him out otherwise he'd be a giant.

Even though all the comments about him being so young get tiring, this is a great place to have a baby. I don't feel like people have any expectations on me as a new mom – I'm expected not to attend church and community events (weddings and funerals), I don't need to keep my house clean or sweep my yard (although those things must be done, just by someone else), I can refuse any visitors that I deem inappropriate or that I don't want to see (haven't exercised that privilege yet)… all I'm expected to do is eat, sleep, and nurse.

There are a few other differences in having a baby in Botswana:

• Weight Gain – Today a friend told me, "You have a big butt but if you want to make the old ladies happy you'd eat lots of motogo (porridge) and make it even bigger." In Botswana you eat extra after having a baby to gain weight, in the US you diet and exercise to get back to your regular size.
  
• Carseat safety – While out with Prescott I was loading him in his carseat and was stopped by one of the bystanders. "What are you doing?! You will kill the baby." When pressed further I came to understand that she believed he was too small for his infant carseat – that he couldn't breathe properly in it and it would kill him. Even the hospital nurse who escorted us to our car when Prescott was born didn't look twice at the carseat in the back – she just handed the baby directly to me. I have since heard this caution from many more people. The Batswana would never put a baby less than three months old in a car seat. In Botswana using a carseat for an infant is grossly irresponsible and could kill your baby. Crazy!

In his killer carseat - 3 weeks old

• Advice Giving – Never having had a baby in the US, I don't know how much advice is given to new mothers but here it is constant. Very rarely do I meet a Motswana (friend or stranger) who doesn't tell me that Prescott won't grow properly because he isn't bundled in enough blankets. I have had people knock on my door (multiple times) when Prescott is crying to say that he is hungry and I should feed him. When Prescott cries hard I have had people knock on my door to ask if I have dropped him! Yes – four times now I have had people knock on my door just to ask if I dropped my baby. (I didn't). New mothers in Botswana have to have a healthy self-esteem.
• Nursing – Any time Prescott starts fussing someone will inevitably say, 'Ahaha, Masimo is hungry. You must feed him.' Then they will strategically position themselves so they can watch me nurse. In the US nursing tends to be regarded as a private thing and eyes are quickly averted when they realize what a mother is doing. Not here! Women nurse their babies in their yards and leave their breasts hanging out when the baby is finished in case it comes back for more. I am still getting used to having an audience; it was especially intimidating at first when he and I were still learning.
  
• Infant Interactions – In the US if you mention a baby is sleeping, visitors will tiptoe around and speak in whispers. Here people half shout when speaking to/about the baby – almost as if he were hard of hearing. Often they will extract him from my sling or pick him up and roughly move blankets, hats, limbs or clothing to get a better look. It still startles me when they half yell at Prescott but he doesn't seem to mind.

Prescott Masimo at 5 weeks old